Writer on The Gordon Ford Show.

S5E2 - Arriving at her new job, Midge has some difficulty getting in due to the implausibility of her story. Eventually, however, she gets in and finds her way to the writers’ room. As she enters, Ralph, Cecil, Adam and Mel are in the process in grilling Alvin over his disenchantment with Mel Brooks, and none of them notice her come in. Eventually, Midge makes herself known and explains who she is. As it turns out, Alvin had heard tell of her from George, but did not know the details, and none of the other writers had heard about a new hire at all. As Midge searches for a place to sit, the men resume ignoring her and begin discussing Gordon's recent decision to quit smoking, and the office smoking ban that comes with it. Just as Midge finds a chair for herself and finished laboriously dragging it into place, Alvin calls for “twenty in one” and all the writers get up and leave. Midge asks Alvin for an explanation, but he is answering a phone call.

S5E2 - At The Gordon Ford Show offices, the hour is up and the writers gather to pitch their jokes to Alvin. Mel's first joke goes into the maybe pile. Adam's first joke is about Santa, and is rejected because Gordon doesn't like Santa jokes. Ralph skips past his Santa jokes and presents a joke which is good but needs to be approved by George first, since it will involve cutting to a shot of him. Cecil's first joke is simply “I miss Nixon,” which is not well received by Alvin. He then turns to Midge, but she is unable to finish telling her joke because Adam goes to the bathroom and the others sing the Caisson song to cover the noise of the flush. When he comes back, she tries to tell it again, but is interrupted a second time in the same spot as Mel goes and the others sing the song once again.

S5E2 - Later, Alvin delivers the completed list of jokes to Trudy, and declares lunch break. As the other writers leave, Midge tries to talk to Alvin about how none of her jokes made it into the show, but he ignores her and enters the bathroom. She begins to sing the Caisson song, but he emerges and frustratedly tells her that it is his office.

S5E2 - At The Gordon Ford Show offices, Ralph plays the piano as Mel does a crossword puzzle and Midge reads the newspaper. After Midge talks with Mike and George, an angry Gordon can be heard from the floor above. Ralph, Cecil, Adam, Mel, Trudy, Dorie, Marge, Midge and Mike watch from below as Gordon emerges at the balcony and angrily throws the script down in pieces. George and Alvin appear next to him. Gordon walks away, and George does too after shouting a brief word of encouragement. Alvin goes downstairs and meets the writers in the writers' room to tell them that they have to start from scratch, with jokes that are shorter and less topical. Once again, Midge laboriously lugs her chair into place, and once again Alvin calls for twenty in one right as she finally sits.

S5E2 - Outside The Gordon Ford Show set, Mel, Adam, Cecil, Trudy, Ralph and Midge stand waiting to see if the current monologue is a go or a no go. They've been waiting a long time, and there is some debate about whether or not this is a good sign. Trudy repeatedly offers to go get her typewriter, but the others tell her no. Eventually, they see Teddy the cue card guy leaving, and they all groan. Ralph explains to Midge that this is because Teddy leaving first means that the monologue is not yet locked. Their fears are confirmed when Alvin emerges with Mike and George and says that Gordon threw the whole thing out. Trudy bolts, exclaiming that she knew she ought to have grabbed her typewriter, to which Marge agrees as she walks past. The others protest that it is only one hour until show time, but George tells them that it's too bad and they'll just have to deal with it, as he smugly goes off to meet Angie Dickinson. The writers all gather in the writers' room, along with Trudy and Teddy, for a lightning round of anything they've got. Ralph, Cecil and Adam get jokes in straight off the bat, while Mel tells a Ben Hur joke that does not make it. Midge reveals that she worked on some new stuff during rehearsal, which draws the superstitious ire of the writers, who believe that it's bad luck to write during rehearsal. Alvin quells them, however, and lets Midge read. Neither of her jokes make it, which hurts her ego and leads her to confront Alvin. This turns into an argument with Mel when he interjects and mocks her attitude and she responds by attacking his Ben Hur joke, pointing out that Jack Paar did it two weeks ago. Alvin shuts the argument down, saying that there's no time, and throws it to Cecil.

S5E2 - At the Gordon Ford Show offices, the team waits anxiously for Gordon to do something. Midge, Alvin, Mel, Cecil, Ralph, Dorie and Marge mill about the lobby as Adam is in the audience saying hi to his parents and Mike sits atop the balcony. Eventually, Gordon emerges from his office with George and Trudy runs by exclaiming that he's on the move. The writers quickly make their way to the studio and rendezvous with Adam, who is rushing to join them. They wait for Gordon at the bottom of the stairs, but he walks right past them and says hi to the audience, who are in the process of being briefed and warmed up by the stage manager, Maury. Gordon then turns around and tells the writers which jokes he's going to do. Teddy hastily writes them onto the cue cards, and the writers lean back in relief as the show begins. Midge and Mel apologize to each other. The broadcast begins, and the Band Leader introduces Gordon for his monologue. The writers watch from off-camera. Ralph tells Midge off when she sidles too far into Gordon's eyeline. She tries to sneak closer by getting close to the floor, but Ralph grabs her by the skirt and drags her away.

S5E2 - Midge calls Susie from Toots Shor's and vents about her day. Afterwards, as she returns to the bar, Mel is telling a story about a supermarket incident to Alvin, Cecil, Ralph and Adam. When Midge arrives, Cecil gets up and gives her his seat. A moment later, Adam spots Gordon entering the bar, much to the chagrin and surprise of the writers. He comes over and greets them, and Mel pins the blame for the automat joke on Adam. Gordon then busts Alvin's balls for not liking Mel Brooks. He then goes over to Midge and is very friendly with her, tipping off the other writers that she's the reason why he's come back to Toots Shor's. Gordon wanders off and buys a round for the guys, and they begin planning what bar to switch to now that this one is no longer safe from Gordon. As Gordon makes up with Toots at the bar, Midge tries to insist to the writers that it isn't her fault, but they ignore her.

S5E3 - On Midge's 30th day of work for the Gordon Ford Show, Gordon delivers the opening monologue as Midge, Teddy, Maury, Alvin, Ralph, Cecil, Adam, and Mel look on. Everyone seems to be enjoying it except Midge, who is forlorn because she once again failed to get a joke in.

S5E3 - After the show, Gordon gathers Mike, George, Trudy, Alvin, Ralph, Cecil, Adam, Mel, and Midge in his office and provides feedback on the show. Gordon grills the team on why the joke about Jack Kerouac didn't land. Alvin offers that the audience didn't seem to be familiar with Kerouac, and Gordon tells the writers that they need to stop with the outdated references.

S5E3 - Following Gordon's feedback, the writers gather their things from the writers' room and leave. Mel asks Alvin if he'll be at Toots Shor's that evening, but Alvin explains that he has to get home to tend to his sick wife. Adam examines the joke tally board, and calls Ralph over to erase one of Cecil's tallies, because one of his jokes was cut last minute. Adam then points out that Midge has yet to earn a single tally, and the others discuss how Midge has now officially broken the record for the longest stretch that a writer has gone without getting a joke in.

S5E3 - Another day, Midge works with Alvin, Ralph, Cecil, Adam, Mel, Teddy and Trudy in the writers room, trying to crunch out the monologue last minute. After Mel, Cecil and Adam hone a joke together and Teddy engages in some sexualized banter with Mel, Alvin turns to the room and asks anyone for one more joke. Midge haltingly volunteers, then attempts to withdraw, but Alvin and Cecil encourage her to say it. She reads a joke that she wrote about Mel Blanc, and to her surprise, it gets put in. A moment later, Gordon wanders in, and glances over the finished monologue which Trudy has just finished typing up. He approves it with no notes, and looks on with pleasant surprise as Ralph gives her a mark on the joke tally board.

S5E3 - That evening, as Maury provides directions to the crowd, George and Mike make their way over to their podium, and the writers linger in their usual spot, Midge goes over to Teddy and asks him if he can save her the card with her joke on it, since it's the first one she got onto the show. Teddy agrees jovially and congratulates her. A moment later, the show begins as the band leader lists the guests and introduces Gordon. The monologue goes well, until he stumbles on “Elmer Fudd” while reading Midge's joke, prompting a loud exclamation from her which causes Gordon, Mike, George, and the writers to look at her disapprovingly. After an awkward moment, Gordon is able to save the joke and get the show back on track. However, Midge remains mortified, and the other writers sidle as far away from her as they can.

S5E3 - After the show, Midge meekly follows Alvin, Ralph, Cecil and Mel out of the studio, passing Dorie at the reception desk. Teddy runs up to Midge and gives her the card, but she has understandably soured on it. She goes over to Trudy's desk and asks if her exclamation was as loud as it seemed, and Trudy tells her it was louder. George comes up to her and tells her that she has nothing to worry about, to simply flash a smile at Gordon and she will be fine. A moment later, however, Mike comes over with considerably less reassuring advice, telling her to grovel hard if she wants a shot at keeping her job. As Midge processes this, Mel, Cecil and Adam walk out of the office behind her.

S5E3 - At Toots Shor's, Ralph, Adam, Mike, George, Mel, and Cecil murmur to each other as they spot Midge entering sheepishly. She looks over at Gordon, who is chatting about sports with Jimmy Breslin, and asks the bartender what he's having. She orders one and brings it over to him, intending to apologize for blurting out a noise during broadcast earlier. Gordon is harsh to her, but she nearly manages to power all the way through the apology and win him over. However, just as she's leaving, he throws in a cut about how her joke would have bombed anyways, and she just can't help herself from turning around and getting into an argument with him. As the argument grows more and more heated, the bar gradually quiets down as people turn and watch the spectacle, including Jimmy, and the aforementioned Gordon Ford Show staff. Eventually, Midge makes a conclusive point, downs the drink that she had bought for him, insults his choice of drink, and leaves. He shouts weakly after her.

S5E3 - On Monday, Midge bashfully slinks into work expecting to be fired, a small box for her stuff cradled in her arms. As she enters the lobby, Ralph is talking to Dorie about a package he was expecting, and the two turn to look at her awkwardly. A few moments later, Alvin also stops to stare at her while descending the stairs, as do Mel, Adam and Cecil on their way into the writers' room. Only Mike actually speaks with her, congratulating her on bringing a box. Before she can respond, Gordon calls out from above for the staff to gather beneath the railing. Midge, Mike, Trudy, Dorie and the writers gather below with the rest, and Gordon tells them that they need to cut back on the number of relatives they've been bringing in as audience members. He then begins to segue into another topic while staring at Midge, but before he can make another announcement, George enters with Charlie, Isaac, and Syd Greenberg, proclaiming a friendly ambush. Gordon postpones further announcements and invites the four up to his office to talk. The office staff scatter back to their work, and Midge is left hanging in limbo.

S5E3 - That evening, at a taping of The Gordon Ford Show, Midge stands apart from the other writers as Gordon wraps up an interview with John Coltrane. Gordon then makes a special announcement - the very thing the executives came to talk to him about earlier - that The Gordon Ford Show has surpassed Jack Paar's show to become the most viewed talk show in the country. The writers exclaim in delight, along with George and Mike at their podium. A tray of champagne is rolled out, and Gordon invites the staff to come join him on camera to celebrate. Alvin, Ralph, Cecil, Adam, Mel, Teddy, Maury, Mike, George, Trudy and Dorie all make their way up, but Midge hangs in the wings, a small spark of hope growing that her job might not be gone just yet. As Dorie presents a tray of champagne to the writers, Alvin and Adam begin to discuss where they'll all go to celebrate. Gordon butts in and says he has a plan.

S5E3 - The staff of The Gordon Ford Show goes skating in Rockefeller Plaza to celebrate their newly achieved spot at the number one talk-show in America. Alvin and Adam make their way down the stairs, drinks already in hand. Teddy is behind them, brandishing a hockey stick excitedly. Later, Ralph stands laughing at the edge of the rink as a woman on skates drains a bottle of champagne into a line of empty cups held out. Dorie sits in an office chair being pushed around by a man in skates. Later still, Alvin pushes Ralph and Adam around on a zamboni. From above the rink, a handful of strangers watch the insanity and heckle, but Ralph, Adam and Alvin brush them off from below. Midge watches from the sidelines, with growing optimism that her job may not be gone. Susie appears at the railing above and calls out to Midge, who skates over and explains what's happening. Gordon spots Midge talking to Susie as he makes his way in, and invites Midge to join in on the fun, confirming that she's still a part of the team. He then makes his way over to Mel and Cecil, who greet him enthusiastically. Susie congratulates Midge on not getting fired, and expresses doubt about her ability to skate. As Midge provides a demonstration to prove Susie wrong, Adam and Ralph once again go by in a zamboni pushed by Alvin. Later, a woman sliding in a chair tips over as Midge skates by and Mel, Alvin, Cecil, Ralph and Adam stand around the zamboni, watching. Midge gets a glass of champagne from a laughing woman, and keeps going. She surprises Gordon by skating by him with a quip, which causes him to slip and fall on his butt. Luckily, he manages to avoid spilling his drink. Midge teasingly skates circles around him as he struggles to get up. Eventually, he accepts her help, but she pulls her hand away when he tries to kiss her. She is confused, because she thought that Gordon hated her, and she thought that he was married. Gordon tries to downplay both things, but Midge does not buy in, coyly skating away and leaving Gordon lying on the ice. A moment later, Midge runs into Susie, who she is very surprised to see on skates. After some banter about her unexpected talent, Susie skates away to find a bathroom, passing the writers, who are still huddled around the zamboni.

S5E4 - Midge gets in to work and finds most of the staff hungover from last night’s party. Mel, Ralph, Adam and Cecil lie sprawled and groaning on the office couches, and Midge goes over to say hi. Ralph is half-asleep and hasn’t drunk his hangover cure from Marge, so Mel steals his. Adam shares his confusion over having awakened at two in the morning on a different rink from the one they all went to, and the four share mutual confusion over who they did or didn’t kiss. A few moments later, Alvin arrives and joins in the conversation. Trudy emerges from the corridor and tells Midge that Gordon wants to talk to her in the studio.

S5E4 - After chatting with Gordon, Midge returns to the office to answer a phone call from Susie about doing the Expo for Frank and Nicky. In the background, the writers slur the Caisson song as one of them goes to the bathroom, then play some type of game which results in them cheering as Midge hangs up and makes her way in.

S5E4 - Midge consults the writers for help punching up the garbage musical, but they just shrug. Trudy bursts in, anxious to get the monologue typed up. After a moment, they all hear Gordon shouting from above and rush out to see what is happening. Dorie also drops what she is doing to watch. Gordon descends from above, fuming about a guest’s sudden disappearance just twenty minutes before the show. George and Tina trail behind him. He takes his anger out on Marge, then apologizes to her a few moments later. He turns to Mike to sort it out, and lashes out at George when he tries to reassure him. Gordon then gathers all the writers in the writers’ room and tells them to find him a new comic - any new comic.

S5E5 - Adam provides Midge with a science project for Ethan, Mel comes in hungover and recounts a bad gig, Ralph and Cecil sit watching. Alvin enters and summons them all to Gordon's office.

S5E5 - George, Mike, Trudy, Marge, Adam, Ralph, Cecil, Alvin, Mel, and Midge gather in Gordon's office for some notes on what to do with the monologue, and Gordon argues with George over the Diddy Doo Diapers sponsorship.

S5E6 - (Flashforward) At the Testi-Roastial of Susie Myerson in 1990, Mike gives a seemingly heartfelt eulogy for George. After the event, however, several of the comics gather round and gossip, at which point Aaron Lebowitz calls bullshit on the eulogy, explaining how much Mike hated George and recounting the story of how Susie got George fired with Mike’s help in April 1961. The story begins at Toots Shor’s, with Susie pressing Mike for information as Midge was hanging out just down the bar, discussing semantic satiation with Alvin, Ralph, Cecil, Adam and Mel. The story ends with George coming into work and cheerfully greeting the writers (who are in the midst of trying to throw a pencil into the ceiling) before finding Alan Young and two other employees packing up his stuff.

S5E7 - Midge walks into the writers’ room as they are discussing their plans for Danny Stevens, and apologizes for her tardiness. A moment later, Mike calls the staff to the railings for his introductory speech as the new showrunner.

S5E7 - Midge gets back to the writers’ room to find Danny Stevens sitting in her seat. He asks the writers for some jokes, and they promise to deliver. Alvin repeatedly mentions that he got his start working for Danny.

S5E7 - The writers watch with glee as Danny goes on the show and kills.

S5E7 - At Toots Shor’s, Danny spots Midge and calls her over to his and Gordon’s tale to thank her for the advice and offer her a job. Alvin is sitting with them, and Danny makes him leave so Midge can take his spot.

S5E8 - Gordon excitedly informs the office that, with Hedy’s help, they have managed to book Princess Margaret for the full hour tonight. He rallies the staff to make this the historic occasion that it deserves to be. The writers begin to brainstorm, but soon realize that none of them know much about Margaret. Luckily, Midge comes to the rescue as a resident expert, and volunteers to work up ideas for the sketch while the others work on the opening monologue.

S5E8 - Gordon interviews Princess Margaret, and she performs a comedy sketch that Midge wrote. It goes very well. The writers stand in the wings, watching.

S5E8 - At Toots Shor’s, Gordon, Mike, Hedy and the writers celebrate their great success with the Princess Margaret interview.

S5E8 - On the morning that Hedy asks Gordon to put Midge on the show, Midge arrives in the office to hear her fellow writers in the midst of singing the Caisson song, indicating that one of them is currently using the bathroom.

S5E9 - Arriving back at work, Midge chides Alvin at length in front of the other writers for repeatedly calling her at home, only to learn that it wasn't Alvin calling but Mike, who pops in and informs her that Gordon wants to see her.

S5E9 - After visiting Gordon’s office and learning that she’s going to be on the show tonight, Midge pops her head back in the writers’ room to let them know that she is leaving to change her outfit again because she’s gonna be on the show. They are jealous and confused.

S5E9 - Later, Midge calls Abe at work from the bullpen in her underwear, and the writers huddle by the window to watch her, mesmerized.

S5E9 - On Midge’s request, the writers repeatedly call her home, trying to reach Rose to make sure she’ll make it to the show tonight. When they finally get home, Alvin delivers the message as Ralph bounces on a bungee jumper in the background.

S5E9 - When Gordon informs Midge that she will not be appearing on the show as a comic, but as a writer, this kicks off an argument with Susie which spills out into the hallway. The writers pass by on their way into the studio and pretend not to eavesdrop on the conversation.

S5E9 - The writers watch the show unfold, including Gordon’s humiliation of Midge with the stool-based writer showcase. During this segment, Gordon surprises the writers by briefly turning the camera on them and naming them. They continue watching as Midge bruises Gordon’s ego by getting some good jokes in, Gordon throws to an early commercial, Mike heatedly convinces Gordon to come back from commercial, and Midge hijacks the show with an unauthorized standup set. Like the rest of those in attendance, the writers are wowed by Midge’s set, and they bow to her at the end of the show.

ALVIN: I wouldn't have minded being consulted about a new hire, but I'm just the head writer, so what do I know?
– S5E2

ALVIN: Gordon wants 'em topical.
ADAM: You said before he wanted 'em not topical.
ALVIN: Gordon is large, he contains multitudes.
– S5E2

GORDON: Tough journey, but we got it there.
MEL: That's what Alvin's wife said on their wedding night.
ALVIN: (laughs) Actually, she did.
– S5E2

ALVIN: I never said Mel Brooks wasn't funny! But that bit would be nothing without Carl Reiner.
MEL: Right, 'cause without Carl, it would be Mel awkwardly waiting half a minute in silence and then reciting the punch line. Yeah, that would stink.
ALVIN: I give up.
– S5E2

ALVIN: Midge, no one needs that much happiness right now.
– S5E4

CECIL: Hey, did you know Betty Porter was pregnant?
ALVIN: What are you insinuating?
– S5E4

DANNY: The whole network is there. The cast, the crew, Philip and Morris, staring right at us. I say the line. Big laughs. Suddenly, a pisher from the end of the table pipes up and says, “It's l'chaim, not la-chaim, Mr. Stevens.”
ALVIN: First job. First job, okay?
DANNY: So, I look over at this altar boy sitting there in his father's suit…
ALVIN: It was my father's suit.
DANNY: …and I thought, “The kid's got balls. He reminds me of me.” So, I fired him.
– S5E7

DANNY: Nope, I know the rules. Taking an established seat in a writers' room is like correcting a man's Hebrew when you're from Nebraska.
ALVIN: Wisconsin.
– S5E7

2. It's a Man, Man, Man, Man World
3. Typos and Torsos
4. Susan
5. The Pirate Queen
6. The Testi-Roastial
7. A House Full of Extremely Lame Horses
8. The Princess and the Plea
9. Four Minutes

• List of Characters